Letter to Infants: Aspirator

Levi Daniel Westerholm
or
Infant at this address:

Greetings. We at the National Infant Information League would like to pass on to you the following strategy gathered from recent study of parents.

We would like to inform you of another tool used by your parents. It is called an "ASPIRATOR", but do not let the name fool you. It goes in your nose.

While the common perception of this tool is that it is a torture device, that is incorrect.

The truth is that you cannot "blow" your nose yet. Your nose can fill with mucous (called "boogers" if you have older siblings) and that mucous must be removed. Since you cannot do that by yourself, you must allow your parental unit to do it for you.

This lesson will serve you well for the rest of your life. Often, things that seem torturous at the time are for your good. We recommend being still. Tears are fine and inevitable, but undue struggle will only prolong and intensify your pain.

Be careful. Do not be fooled. This difficulty is for your own good.

Sincerely,

National Infant Information League